Quarter Life Crisis Over!

I have written this blog post over and over again, but I repeatedly find myself deleting it because it is scary to say that I am okay again. I am afraid if I say it, things will get messed up...but that is no way to live so here goes my long awaited return!

A few weeks ago I was joking with my cousins that I was going through a quarter life crisis that ended with me deciding to go full Kim Possible and dye my hair red. The truth is that isn't a joke though. I have experienced so many highs and even more lows.

I had to stop writing for a little bit because I realized I was pretending to be okay even though it writing on here was a way to stay stuck. I was staying in the same thought patterns, I was staying in the routines, and I was attempting to stay connected to people I shouldn't be. I was refusing to let myself grow, so I took a break. At first I had to challenge myself not to post on my story/feed for 24 hours, then 3 days, a week, a month, etc. until I no longer needed the validation that I was worth the space I was taking up and that I needed to move and evolve in life. So I cut myself off and changed. Now my update can actually be about how I am genuinely doing good.

I had for too long been giving all of me to my work. It was my consistency, but I was draining my energy giving everything. I have taken days and cared for myself and that has made me a better teacher. I take time for myself and I am asking for what I want instead of rolling over and taking whatever other jobs people don't want. When I see something is wrong for my students, I am loudly advocating for them instead of being nervous to rock the boat. I am trying--and hopefully succeeding at being a better teacher.

I have incredible friendships and people who love me at work and at home. I feel so close with them and know that without my support systems constantly hyping me up, I would not have made it the past few months into who I am now. I would have allowed myself to be stuck and I am not sure if I would have been able to break my negative feedback loop if they were not always reminding me of the good in the world. To Liv, Emily, Hernandez, and Solorzano, thank you for making sure I made it everyday and make me into a better person just by being in my life. To my wonderful family, thank you for always being my safety net that I can rely on no matter what.

I am getting healthier. I had lost waaaaaay to much weight, thinking if I could just get the number on the scale low enough, I would be good enough. Instead I just drained myself of life for too long. I am eating healthy, working out daily, and am working on my mental health. I have a full head of hair again (because apparently when you don't get enough nutrients you get a bald spot) and color in my face. My cheeks and eyes are no longer sunken. I mentioned the hair becoming red, but now I have learned to like who looks at me in the mirror inside and out when I get ready.

I have mentioned some people who have helped me, but I think it is time I introduced the most important person who helps me maintain all of the positive changes in my life...Jefferson! He is so sweet, caring, and makes me want to be a better person. He meets me where I am and helps me reach my goals as a partner. I am never left feeling alone because he knows me on a deeper level than I let most people see and is constantly reminding me that I am worth the space I am taking up. I can be my most authentic self with him and never feel judged or nervous. When we started to spend time together, I realized that he calms my nervous system in a way that I need in a partner. He is by my side on my best days and worst. I can write a 1000 posts about him and I can't wait for you all to get to know him more through my blog and the new/improving me.

I promise to not take a long hiatus again. Thank you all for following along as I figured life out in a multitude of ways over the past year.

Love you all so big!

Adelaide