Re-Meeting

In the past almost 48 hours, I have written 17 potential posts. They were filled with grief, love, anger, confusion, desperation, non-realistic hope, etc. trying to explain everything. It's been about 10 months since I wrote on here, which causes feelings of embarrassment for absolutely no reason. It makes me wonder who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.

As much as this is a reintroduction of myself in my tiny corner of a blog world, it is really my way to start meeting me. I am afraid that I have maybe lost parts of myself to highlight other things in the past. I lost focus on what I care about and what I enjoy just for me. I look in the mirror and I recognize the face I see, but I can't tell exactly what she is thinking.

Who am I?

That alone is both thrilling and terrifying.

I know that I am no longer just a scared first year teacher, but what do I enjoy? What makes me better? What can I give to make the world better? How do I shine light through me?

I don't know. Or at least, I don't know yet. I hope that by really finding myself and sharing it here, I can look back on my journey and see something bright. Actually, no. I know that I will find something bright. Even if it is just that I like who I become, I will have succeeded.

Now I can't guarantee that everything will be sunshine and rainbows. In fact, I will probably have to go through a lot darkness to get a bit better, but I am glad that you are along for the ride. I also hope that you know that you are not alone. Yesterday was the loneliest day of my life, but today I get to write to you so that someday you can stumble across this blog and feel like someone else out there has survived it. I see you and appreciate you. I understand you and am cheering for you. We will survive this. We will thrive because of this.

Love you so, so big!

Adelaide