What now?

It's the question that I have found myself asking again and again the past few weeks. What do I do? How do I move forward? How do I hold on? Who am I?

The truth is that right now I have no idea. I know that is disappointing because most blogs tell you that you do these 4 things and your fixed. I know because I have read so many of them. Unfortunately, this is a blog all about attempts and not perfection. It's about getting better through small steps and sometimes falling down.

I have tried to distract myself with a million and one different activities, but those don't take enough of my brain power. I allow myself to go into social media spirals and I end up stressing myself out. I hope that things will be different, but they can't be yet. I haven't changed, or at least not for the better. That hopefully starts today.

I read an article this morning that randomly popped up on my phone, when an ad popped up for a devotional book that I have considered getting. I thought it was a sign from God to do it, so I went onto Amazon and one of the pictures included the verse Isaiah 60:22. The verse states "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen" and boy did I need to hear that. The truth is that the time isn't right and waiting is a part of the plan.I have to have trust and patience in the uncertainty.

What now, though?

Now I start to readjust my mindset. I need to start to re-love myself. I need to rediscover my faith. I need to pour into my friendships as those are the women who are always there for me. I need to give space for growth and remember that a delay is not a denial. I have to be the best version of myself for the good things that are going to come into my life. I have to be vulnerable, but not needy because I have to stand on my own two feet. I need to let myself feel everything; joy and sorrow.

Now I remember the old adage if you love someone set them free and if they come back, they are mine. I have found someone who is really worth sacrifices, pain, and hardship, and my efforts aren't going to waste. I am going to be strong because I deserve to be happy at the end of the day. I will find little moments of joy. I will still do my hobbies, but I will do them for me instead of a distraction.

Now I will keep asking myself these questions, but for me for right now. I will try to find the answers in small moments of joy and trust that everything is a part of the bigger plan.

Love you big,

Adelaide